|
| Six months has gone by...half a year...can it truly be that long ago that it happened? So many things have happened since then and at the same time I feel that it was only yesterday. I miss Sam so much. I wish that he was here and I could talk to him about things that are going on. I wish that he could see how well I'm doing and how happy I am. I am of course not happy that he is not here, but other things that are going on.
I do feel loved and great when I have dreams of him. In most dreams that I have of him I ask him why he doesn't show up more often and he asks me why I don't talk to him more often. Even if he doesn't hear my voice and it's not really Sam in my dreams, it is nice to dream of him alive; moving, breathing, laughing, talking, etc. | | |
| Yes, I know, it's been FOREVER since I last wrote! News:
1) I am dating the most incredible man! His name is Aaron. It's amazing how God works. 
Six years ago I met Aaron on a mission trip and not in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would see him again! And when we did reconnect again, it wasn't on my terms, it was completely God. I didn't have to DO anything! How thankful I am to God for blessing me with Aaron. :) Here are my feelings about him:
2) I'm planning to go into missions after I am done here at North Park. It's amazing how God revealed this to me. Well, I always knew this was His call for me...but I was just a little distracted for a bit. You see, I went on a DTS (Discipleship Training School) with YWAM (Youth With A Mission) after I graduated from high school totally ready for the mission field. I planned to spend three months after the DTS to work at an orphanage in Morrocco. But those plans changed and I went home after my DTS, which was probably the best decision I have ever submitted to. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to "fail." I wanted to be strong and serve, but this was not the right attitude. I was doing missions to fulfill myself, to make me look good. When I returned from my DTS I was soon VERY depressed with all the troubles around me. I was trying to "save" everyone. I was soon diagnosed with clinical depression and in the hospital for safety reasons. After all this happened I thought that perhaps I'm not cut out for missions. LOTS of things happened from then until now and I have grown and learned SO many things through God! I now have a better understand about missions and know my roll in all of it. I know that I can not "save" anybody, only Jesus can do that. There's SO much more that I have learned, but it would take FOREVER to write it all down...if you're interested just let me know.
3) Today, May 1st 2006, my Uncle Scott went to be with the Lord. He was such a great uncle. He was involved in my life and everyone in my family. He was so generous not only his things, but with his heart and life. He was always wanting to talk and catch up with me. I loved talking with him. He loved the Lord with all his heart and he challenged me. I will miss him greatly.
| | |
| I love riding my bike. It's so nice to get somewhere by your own power. However, I have found that here in the City there is no room for bikes. For instance, if one rides down the street there isn't much room between the parked cars and the cars going by. Because of this squish the cars and buses will honk and people get impatient and swirve to miss you. An alternative is to ride on the sidewalk. This, however, brings its own problems. While riding down the sidewalk, there are first of all many bumps and cracks which makes it a little uncomfortable. Secondly, there are people walking on the sidewalk (for it is called a sidewalk). These people can get really scarred while one rides pass them, while others don't get out of the way and sometimes there are just too many people to even get through.
Now, there are some streets here in Chicago that do have a lane for bikes to ride in the street. These, however, are few and far between making it hard to find and out of the way at times. All this is to say that riding a bike is nice and this mode of transportation needs to be respected by drivers and pedestrians. So whether you are driving or walking, please be kind to the cyclists for we don't have it easy. | | |
| Just got back from Michigan yesterday. I visited my friend Aaron who I haven't seen in 5 and 1/2 years. I think that people who have Christ in common can just pick up where they left off. This is what I have found in my life with friends that I haven't seen/spoken to in awhile.
I feel so alive when I:
Walk in nature
Climb a tree
Build a fire
Laugh without any fear
Am around great people
This is exactly what I did this weekend. It was great. I love when I can get away and see how big the world is around me and see that my problems are not the entire world! I'd say that joy just keeps coming back in my life. Thank You Lord!
| | |
| So I haven't quite figured out if I like this thing or not...but I guess I'll keep doing it.
Life is hard at times. This is a true statement. But then there are things that bring laughter and joy back into it. This is a wonderful realization. Someone once told me to hold onto the precious things in this life, this is what I will do. This is what I have to do to keep going.
Keep going...this is what I have to tell myself over and over again. But these past couple of days, I haven't had to remind myself this so much. In fact, I can say that I have had some joy back into my life.
Of course I know that God loves me and that He really cares about me and knows that I'm having a really hard time. But for awhile I thought that God kept doing all these bad things to me. Not that He particularly wanted to hurt me, no, more that He just wasn't stopping them.
But these last few days I have experienced joy. A smile has come upon my face...and it wont go away. So now I know that I can not say that God has been terribly mean to me. In fact, He has been there all the time. I'm just the little girl crying because my pet parriot died and God is looking at me, waiting for me to turn around, to see that He has an entire Rain Forest with tons of parriots and animals are wanting to be discovered. (Please don't think that Sam was a pet to me...it's just a metaphor for other things.)
So even though life is hard. Even though I want to smack God in the face sometimes...I have precious things to hold onto and I chose to hold onto those things. | | |
|
